Why?

Why do you do what you do?

I thought the previous question had been difficult. That had asked for a one-liner about what I do. Being untitled and uncategorised, that was already a tough one to answer. To cramp everything I do, the art, the web design, the branding and marketing, the consulting, the writing, which includes poetry, in one little sentence. That is, without sounding nuts or overly enthusiastic. I had struggled through that one, when the next question was slapped to my face.

Why?

I took a deep breath and started to wonder why. Why am I here today? Why did I go to study first computer science and then digital media? Why do I make websites? Why do I write, why do I make illustrations, why marketing, why branding, why anything? How did I choose to become a freelancer, struggling from an invoice a client has payed to another? I could be in a comfy office job, scrunching websites, which all look the same, to oblivion. I could be getting up at 7 am to be sleeping at my desk or at some boring meeting at 9 am. I could be spending my days pretending to be productive for 8 hours, when no person can really do that.

Why not?

I have been struggling with the why for a while now. Take my currently most lucrative part of what I do, web design. It has always had certain issues. At first it was young and unappreciated and then, all of a sudden, it became something everyone thinks they can do. People, who know how to install WordPress, slap a theme on it and make some tiny tweaks to the theme, call themselves web designers. People, who don't know how websites are built, but have good design skills, call themselves web designers. This has made me feel sort of lost, questioning my why. Thus I had to look back, to the time before those people got into it. To the time when I was still in high school, figuring out how to build a website. I had to look past the sent and unpaid invoices, the struggle during the quiet times and the moments of doubt. That's where I found my why.

I cannot stop creating, and I enjoy freedom, autonomy and variation in what I do. I thrive on beauty and doing things right and well. The web works for me as a platform for it all.

Mervi Eskelinen

Hello, I'm Mervi!

An artist, nerd and business sorcerer, dedicated to make world more beautiful and strange with art, illustrations and logos + to help you figure your sustainable business out.

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